My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
