I heard we made out
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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