I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
