Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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