he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
