I bet he comes in French.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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