The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
