I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
