i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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