So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
