i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
