I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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