ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
