How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
