I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
