You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
