Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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