I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
