She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
