Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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