Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
