whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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