u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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