Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
