I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I will pee on everything he values.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
