he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
