woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
