the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
