Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
