sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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