I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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