He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
