I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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