Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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