we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
