last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
