I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
