id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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