i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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