She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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