So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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