She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
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