i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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