mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
