I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
