p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
