Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
