Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
