This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
