so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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