If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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