I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
